Dildo, Alcohol & Electro



Yes, yes it all used to be about sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll. But, it is 2007 now, and for a single girl it comes down to Dildo, Alcohol & Electro. I mean, of course, apart from “real” life issues such as: I’m finishing my college, haven’t slept properly in month and a half, trying to sort out visa to stay in London, being broke as a motherfucker thinking which illegal business is more profitable (whoring out or drugs?), trying to make my parents proud, finalizing my portfolio, and….. The list goes on and on. Yes, let’s not forget the emotional baggage that comes with all that: the eternal question of “What the fuck am I going to do with my life!?”-when you finish college you can do everything and nothing; I am completely overwhelmed with everything because everything touches me very deeply nowadays. If I was fucking anything else other than my dildo I would think I am pregnant, but that possibility is ruled out unless my purple dildo has Holy Spirit powers. And can somebody tell me what the fuck it takes to let somebody go!? Anyways, yes, loads of issues, emotional baggage, mixed emotions and feelings but at the same time I have decided and realized that this is the best time of my life. It just is. It is hardcore. Working hard, playing hard. I am extremely happy, energetic and in the funniest way I just don’t give a fuck. My favorite sentence these days is: “Fuck it! Let’s do it, I have nothing to lose!” Ok, back to dildo, alcohol and electro. So, next to college, alcohol and electro are most constant. Alcohol and electro connect to my friends, laughs, good times and it gives me so many fulfillments. I just have so much love now (just don’t know where to put it):D Sometimes I think maybe someone should stage an intervention with the amounts of alcohol, but no. I have discovered I am extremely intelligent when I drink. At least lately I have been. For example, on Monday it was my best friend’s birthday. No need to say that a small drink ended up being a rampage through London and 15 different people being completely shitfaced. We came home in early hours of morning, slept for about 3 hours and woke up to REVISE for the 9:30 am exam. We both do not remember revising, but the funniest thing is that we both got a 100% on the exam. My point is that you can do everything as long as you have positive and right set of mind.

Now, dildo is a bit more complicated issue here. Like everybody else, I love sex. And sex is one of the easiest things to get nowadays, but I have made a conscious decision not to compromise and just have one of those “one night things”. It is boring and empty. Therefore, I have a very special relationship with my dildo. We love each other, have great sex, I can talk to him for hours, he just listens and listens. Perfect. I did make this decision of not compromising a long time ago, but one thing about me is that I LOVE just to experience things. I love experience. So about two months ago, when I was at the beginning of going through a very hard emotional state, I thought to myself, well maybe I can try again those meaningless things. And I did. It is so easy. Everyone has one of those booty call people in their phone. It was fun, you know, slap me here, slap me there, fuck me here, fuck me there, but when it ended I just couldn’t fucking wait for him to go away. After “oh all that great fucking” I ended up crying for next three days because I was a freaking emotional wreck and as much as you try to play it cool, you can’t trick your emotions, you can’t wash somebody out of your system with somebody else, and you can’t trick yourself into loving those one night meaningless things. That is just how it is. Once again, I have made sure that I am not a one fuck girl, that I am a hopeless romantic. Until my horse on the white prince comes and rescues me it will be ALL about Dildo, Alcohol & Electro, and I fucking love it! I have changed so much in last two months. Actually not so much changed, rather my real personality came out on the surface. Everything is just great; I’m happy and grateful for everything around me. The good and the bad. I’m enjoying experiencing and fucking with my life, not being afraid. On Saturday night I did the most bizarre thing. Someone messaged me on Myspace and we ended up talking on MSN. It was nothing sexual, no attraction; it was just an interesting person with very similar interests. He lives in Brighton, which is about an hour and a half from London. We were talking about films, and decided to watch a film together. So around 11 he decided that he was going to come to London to my place. Yes it is fucking mental letting a complete stranger to your house, especially when my flat mate was not home. I do not know him. For all I know he can be a serial killer/rapist. But as I say, fuck it, let’s do it. I love the adrenalin rush. We were supposed to watch a David Lynch film together but he rocked up with this other film called SHORTBUS. It is a film I have wanted to watch for months, and funnily enough I was thinking about it lately. Universe gives you what you want in the most unexpected ways. So I have let a complete stranger to my house, we watched a film together; we slept together in the same bed, not touching each other or anything. Someone would be scared, but I slept like a fucking baby. Deliberately I did not tell anyone about this at the time. Yes it would be a smart move to maybe call my best friend and tell her what is going on, just in case police finds me in pieces the next day, but I really wanted to experience this bizarre thing. And it was absolutely beautiful. We woke up the next day, hugged, said our goodbyes and everybody went on with their daily routines. After all, internet is great but we are people and social beings.

I can’t even begin to describe what happened to me and around me, and how many things had impact on me and bringing out my personality from my last blog. But all I can say is: I’m happy, full of love, I’m living it all, I’m giving it all, I want it all, and I want it now!
Stay borderless and don’t judge too hard.